With the New Year here, I have decided to move forward with a new branch of learning incorporated with technology. I am a bit unsure of how this all works, but am willing to learn and meet new people along this voyage. I encourage respectful, constructive criticism- it helps me to become a more open and accepting person while learning to understand other perspectives. Another day given is another day of learning. Life can be simple- your perspective is what makes it.
As the summer winds down, I realize how relationships change. It is not a new realization for me; I just felt the need to write and unload. This isn’t a pity party. I will not par-take in those, not even for myself.
If you can count the number of ‘friends’ on one hand, is that good or bad? My motto about true friends: If you can count more than 5, at least 1-2 are not true. This summer has made true that motto. I keep my true friends in my heart- always; the friends I think of often.
While I was out recently, I encountered an old acquaintance and spent a good portion of time conversing with them. It was great to see this person: time to catch up, and share thoughts. It made my heart light. After that conversation, I sent a message to someone whom I had not seen or heard from for many months- commenting how wonderful it was to see this person and how well I felt they were doing. The return message was odd, considering there had been hardly any conversation from this person for many months, although not from lack of trying. Anyway, I guess my feelings of friendship are much different than most. I’d like to think -if shoes were on the other feet- my response would have been a bit more, with warm thoughts and caring, not short statements of I .
So, what makes a friendship today? Maybe I am misunderstanding something. Can someone enlighten me? I know I am working on making myself a better better person. It takes hard work. I guess I really need to think about relationships and truly decide what is important to me and my well-being. I am sad to think that letting go of someone I have developed a relationship with is the end result, but on the other hand, I am feeling that it was a very one sided relationship- and how healthy is that? Chalking this up to a lesson learned and I will continue to be a better person.
In short, keep your true friends close. Rainy day friends can flow with the running waters. I know now where I can exit stage left. Taking my bow, blowing kisses and moving on to the next act.
And bring a true friend along- share the smiles, true kindness, and allow burdens, happiness, and good times to be shared.
I had a conversation quite a while ago, and it was determined that the past was to stay in the past and from that point forward, all involved were to not drudge it along to continue to create negativeness.
Just recently, a conversation happened and I realized that the “bag of doom” was still being carried. An event happened recently and sadly, my side of the family was not invited to attend. How am I to make something good come from this when it all hurts to my core? Ever have those days where you are in a row boat on the ocean? Yea…. I have them often.
Anyway, one of the persons I had conversation many moons ago, had stopped by- and we had a good conversation- then another came and more conversation happened. The following day, I was informed of an event that had happend, and no one from my side of the family had been invited. It was made very clear to me when I asked questions about the event a few days later, that it was uncomfortable for the person I was talking with. I stayed calm, asked pertinent questions, and you all need to know, I am no dummy when it comes to reading body language. Hence, why I like to ‘see’ certain people when conversing as it is really easy to not be totally honest when it comes to technology. I had all my questions answered and promptly left the conversation. To the surprise of the other person, they had to ask questions as to why I left the conversation. Hmmmm- It was explained clearly that feelings were hurt. I am not sure of the words used, but I did receive a hug before that person left, one I didn’t have to ask for.
I am in hopes that someday the reins will be lessened and that the stallion can ride free and have the opportunity to spend time with the herd. I will keep loving, caring, and making my life more positive. The ache in my heart is filled with someone else’s deceit and unfairness – and I know life isnt fair. I can handle that. What hurts the most is that trust in their word isn’t there and isn’t even in the other persons vision. I guess its trust. Common decency~ maybe that’s what it is. I am not sure.
I am looking for ways to resolve the hurt (because I am sure it will continue) so that I can move forward with little additions coming in the next few months. Processing situations helps. Could I have done something different? Probably- leaving a conversation open-ended seemed the best for me. I didn’t get sucked in, my questions were answered, and I encouraged thought for the other party. I think it was a win. Now mind you, I am not gloating, nor am I keeping score- nothing good comes from it, but if a seed was planted (and I think there was), it will grow.
Time is necessary, and I do have that. So, in the mean time, I look to better myself. I have hope~
What do you have if you didn’t have hope? Thanks for stopping by~ Until next time:
In December 2018, my life changed. There was too much stress with my job, support was minimal, and the daily grind felt like torture. In short, changes needed to happen. The severity of needing change was eminent; my inner being was struggling for life. It wasn’t until weeks later, I was offered a job to work with a team – a job I had been longing for. Teamwork,support, communication, acceptance, caring, honestly- all of that in one place!
I was at my new position for a number of weeks before contact was made from a couple of people from my former workplace. I have two very close friends/ colleagues whom I have had contact with almost every day since I left, but the ones who called me their ‘friend’ had yet to even contact me. Not that it really matters because I know how they are yet, I find it confusing that the term friend is used to carelessly. Weird. I guess I have a different meanings of what a friend and best friend are.
For example, a couple of weeks ago I had stopped into my old work place and was greeted with such flamboyancy and kindness that I was uncomfortable. When I was there every day, it was a hot and cold relationship, but I guess when others are around to witness, all is good. Moving on has been a wonderful experience- and yes, I have been asked to continue for the next year. That is a good feeling knowing I am part of their team.
I have been sorting out my thoughts of family, friends, job placement, life. I know who I can count on for friends, and it’s not that many- which in my book is a good thing. Having too many friends creates drama, jealousy, discontent. I have a limit- all on one hand, excluding my husband, he’s a given. People shuffling in and out of ones life can really be an eye-opening experience. I have taken time to really think about what I need to keep me going, and it’s not much. Recently I reconnected with a friend whom I had not spent much time with in the last 5-8 years. We were somewhat close when our boys were playing sports together. What I found out from our short three and a half hour camp-out at a local coffee shop was that she and I were experiencing the same exact things in our lives at the same time!! How ironic!! At the end of our three hour stint, we had made some decisions about our town, possibly creating something exciting for kids in the community, made plans to hike, camp, dine, and support one another. It was such a pleasurable experience. (If you read this, know that I will cherish our conversations. P, our time together means so much- and I will strive to keep in touch- we need this <3).
Sometimes family is harder to tolerate than friends. Time and space have worked for me. I have done a lot of listening without much speaking, which is hard to get used to doing. Recently I have been in many situations where I have needed to just listen. Listening can create a positive outcome- yet sometimes it can turn out to be the opposite. I have been on the receiving side of both. Wrapping my brain around behaviors that just don’t make sense boggles me. I always look at how my behavior may have created the situation: Did I need to do something different? What can I change to make a positive motion? There is only so much I can do. The rest is up to those who help make up the equation.
People come in and out of your life for a reason. I am a firm believer on that. Those who stay are a gift. Treat them that way. Tender, fragile parcels. Unwrap them slowly. They all need special care, including family. Those who want to be in your life will make time- it may not be often, but time has a way of putting people in your life at the proper time. As for me, I am continuing to live and make self improvements. For me, that’s what is important. Rolling with the changes- somewhat gracefully.
I think to have a voice is good; to have a respectful, thought provoking voice is even better. As I get older, I find that a strong, thoughtful, thorough response nowadays seems to get trodded on – for what purpose? Enlighten me please.
I have been in a number of conversations when I have been asked a question or two- and have given my thoughtful answer/opinion to have it rebuked, erased, or taken completely out of context. It has gotten to the point where I have eliminated many aspects of what I enjoy to avoid being the nonsense of what seems to be a nuisance to others.
On the upside, I am moving forward without hesitation; creating a new path for myself and my well-being: eliminating the trails of breadcrumbs and fodder that are not necessary to follow and participate in. I am creating a me that I can be happy with while eliminating the paths of hurtfulness.
2019 is a rebuilding year- making me a more self reliant person, because in all honesty, looking out for self should be top priority- in every aspect of being. Don’t get me wrong, do I love to be with others and spend quality time? Of course I do, physically. I will be making different choices in 2019- choices that put me more into the physical presence of others instead of the technical presence- cutting back on the social sites, minimizing the time I spend gawking at non-productive means. Will I continue to use technology? YES! I really enjoy being online, but will be more choosy as to where I spend my time. It’s all a choice. I choose to make my time more productive –
As the holiday season approaches, I realize what I still have left to do. Is it really horrible that I am not decorated yet? I have very little shopping done and am not concerned if it doesn’t happen. Is that bad? Inconsiderate? Grinchy? Personally, I think keeping life on the positive side is what is needed this holiday season.
As I listen to the debate of Baby it’s Cold Outside, I truly have to put my priorities in order. This song has been around for decades- and yes, it may offend some- but aren’t there bigger issues than a song? I am sure if anyone wanted to, any song could be looked at as one form of discrimination, bullying, acceptance or wrong-doing if one looked deep enough. Even the Sesame Street theme song could have something wrong if one wanted to take the time to make a huge deal of it. I for one, don’t have that kind of time or energy to even think about it. Heck- I need to shop for Christmas!
As I left work today, I received different marching orders. A change of pace is good, but I have been in the same place for 20 years. I am a bit curious, but that is good. I will be working with a different group of folks in a different facility- hoping to help make a child’s life more positive. Am I nervous? Somewhat. I don’t really know what is in store for me, but I am hopeful it will work out great. I have to do a bit more traveling, but that is fine. I am looking forward to the camaraderie, teamwork, and the end of day discussions- that alone is something to look forward to. See? There’s that positive… :-).
This day has been quite an eventful one, but tomorrow is a new day with doors opening. I hope you all have a wonderful week. Relax, breathe deep, spread kindness.
Sir Elton John- a bit controversial for some, a talent to be reckoned with for others. For me, a fabulous artist who has lasted through many decades. His talent is beyond words.
I have been listening to his music lately. His eccentric, flamboyant personality – for me- is refreshing, entertaining and enjoyable. The words of his songs have brought back some pretty incredible memories.
You’re a butterfly… and butterflies are free to fly….
These words have been in my head most of the day today. Giving wings (encouragement, belief in themselves to others) can really boost someones spirit, and the power they feel from that it immeasurable. I watched someone grow many inches today. It is just amazing how keeping situations in a positive level can really create an atmosphere of nurturing coexistence. I am feeling really great about the day I had. I encourage you to spread your wings; give that positive gesture, comment, smile. It is a win-win.
Today I am dedicating my post to one of the most loving, kind, caring, forgiving, thoughtful, accepting people I know…. my oldest brother. We were brought together when he was a teen and I was a bit younger. At first we fought like most siblings do, but my brother and I created a bond of love and friendship that has one of my most treasured friendships.
Our growing up years were not – in my opinion- the best. As an adult, I can say that I feel our childhood did have some good childhood days, but it was dysfunctional in so many ways. My other siblings may disagree and that’s fine. To each his own. Anyway-
It wasn’t until recently that family events brought us back together. It is unfortunate that we had drifted apart somewhat; he and his family moved out west for opportunities, and when that happens, I will admit, life moved on and contact was not in my radar. I thought of him often. I know, there’s technology, telephones, snail mail but (and this is no excuse) life kept going. He and his family have come back a number of times, encouraging my husband and I (and others) to make the trip out to see them. But… yea- life.
Anyway, a couple of months ago-out of the blue, I received a message – one that jarred my thoughts and searched my heart. It was simple, loving, kind and straight to the point: Miss ya <3. How can you not think about your sibling when you receive that?!
He was here recently- just before Thanksgiving, to be here for his father’s committal which was also the first day of deer season. The service was at sunrise so the rest of the day could be spent chasing the elusive buck. Needless to say, it has been a very emotional month. The committal went well, he was able to spend time with family and when it was time to leave, he made time to come and see me. It worked out great that he came- and I have to say, it was a day that housework was in full swing,you know, the point where the bomb has gone off and the dust is just settling. I had a day off from work. We visited for quite a while, 2 hours maybe- like time had stood still. There were so many things we needed to talk about and time allowed that. I am sure we could have spent more time together, but he had a time crunch-
Since that day, we have been communicating every day. It’s nice to have my brother, my 1st best friend, back in my life. I hadn’t thought about it until recently, but I have missed him, more than words can say. It’s incredibly heartwarming to have him back in my heart. I can honestly say- he is the best friend this sister could ever have.